Monday, March 26, 2007

Conversations with Dad 4: The Visit


The following conversation occurs from inside my parents' house, after I arrive at the front door and ring the doorbell.

Mom: Who is it?

Dad: Coming!

Mom: Who is it?

Dad: What do you mean, "Who is it?" It’s probably Ces!

Mom: Coming!

Dad: We’re coming!

Mom: Hold on, we're coming!

Dad: Be right there!

Mom: Coming!

Dad: I said I was coming!

Mom: Be right there!

Dad: What does "I'm coming" mean to you, Isilda?!

Mom: Hold on!

Dad: I said I got it!

Mom: Just a sec!

A few minutes pass.

Dad: Did you get the door, Isilda?

Mom: What?!

Dad: I said, "Did you get the door, Isilda?!"

Mom: What?!

Dad: DID YOU GET THE DAMN DOOR OR NOT?!?

Mom: I thought you were getting the door!

Dad: How could I get the door?! I’m in the bedroom painting the chair!

Mom: Well, I’m in the kitchen making you your tea!

Dad: How complicated is tea-making that you can't get the door?!

Mom: But I thought you said you were getting it!

Dad: Well, do you want the chair done today or not?!

Mom: Well, do you want your tea done today or what?!

Dad: Tea or chair, Isilda! Tea or chair!

Mom: Fine, I'll drink your tea!

Another minute passes.

Dad: What did you say?!

Mom: What?

Dad: What did you say about the tea?

Mom: What?

Dad: WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT THE TEA?!?

Mom: I said I'll drink your tea!

Dad: Are you trying to be a wiseass?!

Mom: You don't want me to make you tea then I'll drink it!

Dad: When the hell am I supposed to finish the chair then, Isilda?! Huh?! When?!

Mom: Just forget it!

Another minute or so passes

Dad: What did you say?!

Mom: What?!

Dad: What did you say?! Just before!

Mom: I said, "Just forget it!"

Dad: You know I don't forget stuff, Isilda!

Mom: You forgot to answer the door!

Dad: You still haven't let Ces in yet?!

Mom: I was making tea!

Dad: I was painting the chair!

Mom: Fine, I’ll get the door!

Dad: No, I’ll get it!

Mom: I’m getting it!

Dad: I said I’m getting it!

Mom: I’m almost there!

Dad: I said I'm getting it, Isilda!

Mom: I don't need you to get it!

Dad: Oh, I'm getting it!

Mom: Then open the door!

Dad: Fine! I guess I'll have to get it!

Hear footsteps approaching. Hear doorknob being jiggled. Pause.

Dad: Where did you put the keys, Isilda?!

Mom: What?!

Dad: WHERE DID YOU PUT THE KEYS, ISILDA?!

Mom: Tea's done!

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