We begin immediately after The Visit, when I enter my parents' house. Greetings ensue.
Mom: Sorry I didn’t make dinner yet. I didn’t know when you were finally going to show up.
Ces: But I'm early.
Dad: For once.
Mom: Plus, now Marcello’s not coming tonight.
Ces: Marcello’s not here?
Dad: Oh, you won’t believe what that worthless bastard of a brother of yours did.
Ces: What happened?
Mom: I don’t want to talk about it.
Dad: Then let me tell them.
Mom: He called five minutes ago to say he's coming tomorrow instead.
Dad: He called five minutes ago to say he's coming tomorrow instead.
Mom: I don’t want to talk about it.
Dad: Then why didn't you let me tell them?
Mom: What's there to say?
Dad: Apparently nothing now!
Suddenly a loud chirp comes from the kitchen.
Ces: Um, what the hell was that?!
Dad (Brightly): Oh! You heard it!
Ces: Did you guys get a pet bird?
Mom: Oh no. Not after we lost our poor canary Winter.
Dad: Stuck its own fingernail right through its eye. Died like that.
Mom: So sad.
Dad: It's own eye!
Mom: I don't want to talk about it.
Dad: Well, you're not the one who had to bury him.
Mom: Anyway, that's why we only keep fake birds in the bird cage now.
Pause.
Ces: Sooo...the chirping?
Dad: What? Oh, that's our new clock!
Ces: Clock?
Mom: Doesn’t it sound beautiful?
Dad: It has a different bird call for each hour.
Mom: Finch.
Dad: Blue Jay.
Mom: Cardinal.
Dad: Sparrow.
Mom: Robin.
Dad: Blackbird.
Mom: Bluebird.
Dad: Yellowthroat.
Mom: Warbler.
Dad: Oriole...Hey, Ces! Remember when I coached your Little League team The Orioles. What year was that again?
Ces: Wait, the clock chirps every hour?
Dad: Every hour! You should hear it!
Ces: Even in the middle of the night?
Mom: All night! That last one was a mourning dove.
Dad: I love mourning doves.
Ces: You said every hour. But it's 7:10.
Mom: Well, the clock hasn't been working properly.
Dad: And whose fault is that?
Mom: The clock’s?
Dad: And who dropped the clock?
Mom: You did.
Dad: I mean the second time, the time it probably broke.
Mom: You dropped it three times, Frank.
Dad: Wait, when did you touch it again?
Ces: Is there anyway to shut it off at night?
Dad: Might have been. But then Isilda dropped it.
Mom: I never touched it!
Dad: Well, you dropped something!
Mom: I dropped the coffee machine.
Dad: Oh...Well, I hope you weren't expecting any coffee, because thanks to your mother here you're not getting any.
Ces: Wait, how often do you guys drop things now?
Dad: Well, you kids are never around to help us lift stuff.
Ces: How heavy was that coffee pot?!
Dad: Ask your mother. She's the one who dropped it.
Mom: This coming from the man who dropped all those wine glasses!
Dad: That's because you didn't dry them properly!
Ces: Guys, guys...about the clock...
Dad: It has a different bird call for each hour.
Ces: Yes...I know...Can we, maybe, unplug the clock before we go to bed? Y'know, so it doesn't chirp all night.
Mom: I think it runs on batteries, dear.
Ces: Then can we just take the batteries out?
Mom: But then we won't be able to hear the lovely clock.
Another loud chirp comes from the kitchen.
Ces: Wait, it's only 7:15.
Dad: Hasn't been working right since one of us dropped it.
Ces: It chirps every five minutes?!
Dad: I love to hear the birds chirp.
Mom: That one was the robin! Didn't it sound gorgeous?
4 comments:
Wow, Ces, conversations with your family never get boring. Great to see you back online. Hope things are well with you. Looking forward to more ML and whatever other projects you have.
-Joe
A former boss of mine had what appears to be that same model of clock on the wall in her office -- and if I recall correctly, the chirps on hers happened at around :55. Not a lot of quality control going on at the bird clock factory, apparently.
Oh, you most certainly can turn the chirps off. I learned that as soon as I had to stay with my grandmother for a while when she had surgery. She never changed the batteries so "chirp" is just a word I use for the sound it made towards the end. A sound I can only assume is similar to a cricket full of Jim Beam crying loudly and then choking on its own vomit.
LOL!
I'd certainly buy your book! :)
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